did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize