508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize