i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
