Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
