I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
