I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
