so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
