I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
