All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
