My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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