the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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