i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
