at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
