I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
