Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think your dad took our porno
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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