maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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