At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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