Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
