I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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