that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
