Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
