The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Randomize
