dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
