I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
