Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
