Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
bring money and cleavage
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
