Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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