dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
