I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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