he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
