I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
