party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize