i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
