Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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