i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
