so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
