I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
