I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
