"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
