well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
