found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
