I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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