Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize