Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
