I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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