I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
