did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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