Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
