My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
