The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My liver just had a heart attack.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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