im having a threesome with these popsicles
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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