ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
