i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
