Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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