just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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