You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
