Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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