im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
