Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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