WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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