I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
