omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
