Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
