Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
