oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
