he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
