he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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