Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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