I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
