Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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