census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize