If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
