were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
