Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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