Quick, to the slutcave!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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