Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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