yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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