Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
